Under His Watchful Gaze

This past February I got my first ever Valknut pendant. I put it on and haven’t taken it off since. I had thought about getting a Valknut tattoo, but thought wearing a Valknut pendant might be a good idea first. I’m not sure what made me think that. Perhaps it’s that I’ve heard that the Valknut acts a target sign for Odin–it draws His eye, and even if He wasn’t watching you before, He certainly is if  you wear His symbol.

Now, four months later, I’m positive that someday I will have a Valknut tattoo. Where I will get it, or when, is still up in the air. But I know someday it will adorn my body. Permanently.

I’ve heard (or maybe I read it somewhere) that wherever the Valknut lies on your body, it kind of says “insert spear here”. Mine hangs right over my heart, and there are times when I feel like spears have pierced that most vital organ. I’m not sure why, but Odin seems to like to play around in my love life. He puts people in it and then either causes upheaval in the relationship, or finds a way to take that person away from me entirely. I don’t exactly like that He does this, but then again He’s the god and I’m the mortal. It doesn’t matter what I do or don’t like–He’s going to do whatever He wants and there isn’t a damn thing I can say about it.

That’s not to say that whatever problems I have in my love life are entirely Odin’s fault or doing. I, in the end, am the one who took the actions, said the words, didn’t respond to the prodding, whatever. But it does seem like He’s used Gungnir to pierce my heart once or twice. Wearing a Valknut has definitely changed me, whether it be for better or worse.

It’s almost as if I’m being stripped back to the true me–no masks, no facades. Just me. Raven. At my very bare bones. I remember a few hours after putting on the pendant for the very first time, I was walking outside at night and all of the sudden I felt this massive presence, these all seeing eyes shift their gaze and land squarely on me. It was such a profound feeling that I physically shivered and paused what I was doing. I knew it wasn’t any human that had looked my way. This presence was far more than that. Nor was it just my physical body they were seeing. It was everything. My deepest secrets, my very core. Everything that made me me was open and obvious to His gaze. I couldn’t hide even if I wanted to.

I haven’t felt the power of that gaze quite as intensely since then, but I do know He’s still watching me. There are subtle hints and signs all around me that let me know He’s still there. Good. I’m glad He is.

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