I drew my first Rune the other day (Sunday) after having not drawn one in months. When I lost my connection to Odin after moving to a new state, I stopped drawing Runes. I had somehow lost my connection to them as well. Runes themselves are entirely separate from any deity. They had their own energies and their own spirit. Odin is highly connected to them because it was He who hung on Yggdrasil and swiped them up, showing them to everyone else. But he didn’t create them. They existed separately from Him. The fact that I felt the disconnect from both things leads me to believe I had actually just gone through a spiritual disconnect, not just a disconnect from Odin and Freyja.
Moving here–away from my family and the area that I been born and raised in–for awhile I felt powerless. I couldn’t get around without a GPS. I came here and scrambled to find a job just to be able to pay my bills. I had to shove aside everything to focus on that. So I did it. I shirked everything and tried to adopt a mantle of responsibility the size of which I had never had to take on, and one that I–in many ways–wasn’t ready for. In doing this, I feel like I lost myself in some ways. I also feel like I found other parts of myself, so it was a decent trade off. But now that I’ve had those discoveries, I’ve been trying to get back those things that I felt made me, me.
When I was scrambling and trying to find anything to make my life here work, I had to humble myself. Not being able to do anything and having to ask people for help in doing everything makes you feel incredibly powerless. For a long time, I didn’t feel like I could make any kind of move without some kind of help. To put it bluntly, it sucked. But I knew what I wanted and I wasn’t going to give up until I got it.
In many ways I could say that Inguz was my guiding Rune this past year. No, I didn’t draw it in some ritual inspired to help guide me. I didn’t come across it at random times or hear it’s name. In truth, it was one of those Runes that I had barely ever drawn and even when I had I had to consult my Rune notes to remember it’s meaning. Then two days ago I drew it and once again read my notes.
Inguz has taken this past year to teach me a very needed lesson–which is a thing Inguz is indicative of to begin with. Inguz asks that we put on that mantle of responsibility, that now is the time we need to step up to the plate and do what needs to be done. It also tells us that just because one path isn’t working for you, that doesn’t mean there isn’t a way. There is always a way. When a door shuts a window opens.
That I drew Inguz this past weekend, when I was on my own with just a dog to keep my company…even that holds a message. One of the reasons I think I’ve felt a disconnect from my spirituality and Gods is because I’m constantly around people. I share a house with five others (one of those being my boyfriend). I live in a highly populated city that is only minutes from Manhattan. There are people around me all the time and I hardly ever have time just to myself. Yet, it’s when I’m alone and have my own thoughts and can act in my own time and schedule, that’s when I feel the most “plugged in”. I have room–both physically and otherwise–for growth and to explore at my own pace the things I need to explore. I have the space in my day to devote to spiritual studies and rituals.
That’s not something impossible to have with other people around, but it is harder to have. Especially when you’re a person who always wants to be part of hang outs when they occur. However, Inguz counsels us to allow ourselves room to grow, and to go within ourselves to gain new perspectives. It wasn’t until this weekend that I realized I needed time to myself to even properly connect. And once I did realize that and start making the space in my day that I need for that, that’s when things started to click again.
A deeper meaning of Inguz that is just coming to me now as I write this, is one of Balance. Finding the perfect Balance between everything–work, “me” time for spiritual studies, and play time–that’s when you’ll feel the best, like your life is the most complete. I know that’s true at least for me, and I’m willing to bet that’s true for others, too.